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Baraba · Džentlmen

Geography

Teacher: "Maria, come up to the map and show the class where North America
is located."

Maria: "Here it is."

Teacher: "You are correct. Now class, tell me who discovered North
America."

Class: "Maria."

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Boky · **¤ The King of Kolo ¤**

A husband and wife are driving down a country lane when the wife turns to her husband and says, “I can’t live like this anymore! I’ve been having an affair with your best friend for the last three years!”

Husband says nothing, just speeds up the car.

“I’m going to leave you for him and take everything!” she shrills

Husband says nothing, just speeds up the car.

“I’m also taking the children, the dog and the house!” she says.

Husband just speeds up the car.

“Aren’t you going to say anything!? Don’t you want anything?” she says.

“I have everything I need, right in front of me.” He finally says.

Not understanding the wife says, “What do you have?”

“The air bag!”

Baraba · Džentlmen

Keep The Old Motor Running

The marriage of an 80-year-old man and a 20-year-old woman was the talk of
the town.

After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth
of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to
congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it
at your age?' The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor
running.'

The following year, The couple returned to the hospital for the birth of
their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again
went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, You are
something else. How do you manage it?' The old man grinned and said, 'You
gotta keep the old motor running.'

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their
third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and after the
delivery, She once again approached the old gentleman, Smiled, And said,
'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?' The old man
replied, 'It's like I've told you before, 'You got to keep the old motor
running'

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess
it's time to change the oil. This one's black.
Mr. Green

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krneki15 · Početnik Domaćeg.de

Bu, Chu and Fu imigrated from China to USA. When they came there, they were told they need american names... So Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck an Fu decided to go back to China

Alexns · **Tinkerbell's pixie dust**

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
-No eye deer. (No idea.) Mr. Green

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?
-Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no legs, no genitals and no eyes?
-Still no fu**in' eye deer.

What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?
-Limp Bizkit. Laughing

What do elephants and ants play together?
-Squash.

Edit: Oh, I forgot to write another one:

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
-He's all right now. Embarassed

Baraba · Džentlmen

Friday is Fish Day

A husband and wife came for counselling after 20 years of marriage. When
asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful
tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had
been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy,
emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after
allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the male therapist
got up, walked around the desk, and after asking the wife to stand,
embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised
eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist
turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least
three times a week. Can you do this? 'The husband thought for a moment and
replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on
Fridays, I fish.

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Baraba · Džentlmen

Definitions of Heaven and Hell.

Heaven; the police are British, the chefs are French, the mechanics are
German, your lover is Italian and it's all organized by the
Swiss.

Hell; the police are German, the chefs are British, the mechanics are
French, your lover is Swiss and it's all organized by the
Italians.

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~SonicLady~ · ~Smiley~

A man was driving along one day and he hit a rabbit. Feeling terrible he stopped and got out of the car to see if it was badly hurt. To his dismay, the rabbit was dead. Unsure what to do, the man runs to the nearest building, which happens to be a salon. He says to the hairdresser, "I've just hit and killed a rabbit in the middle of the road! What should I do?" The hairstylist thinks a moment, then says "I think I have just the thing." He grabs a few bottles from a shelf and runs out to the rabbit. Opening the bottles, he poured the contents onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit jumps up, shakes itself, looks around, then hops of. It went a few feet, then turned and waved, went a few more feet, then turned and waved again. This odd behavior continued untill the rabbit was out of sight. The man looked and the Hairdresser in amazement and says, "Wow! What did you do?" "Oh," the stylist responded, " I gave it a hair (hare) revitilisant with a wave!"

nemanja446 · unique and unrepeatable

One man asks other: Did you bring any bread for pigeons?
- No, J didn't. J eat them without bread.